90 Minutes European Prime Goal

      I don't know what a "Prime Goal" is, but I like to imagine the Japanese programmers trying to sell this game:  

"This game good lucky happy fun time Prime Goal A+ #1!"

Release:  December 20, 1995

Genre:  Sport simulation, soccer

What the Internet says it's worth:  $20.00

The most you should pay for it:  $6.00

Should you play it:  Only if you're really into soccer, and like incoherent 16 bit voice recordings

Best part:  Every time you score a goal, a giant marquis goes across the screen and the announcer says "GOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!"

Worst part:   Every time you get scored on, a giant marquis goes across the screen and the announcer says "GOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!"

Interesting fact:  This title is a PAL (the European television publication region) exclusive, but is also known as J League Prime Goal Soccer 3 in Japan.

this ad scored some extra points in my rating system, especially considering when translated it says: 

"Tonight on your console fires it".

Overall:  C-

As a soccer game, 90 Minutes European Prime Goal succeeds in that it is a game about soccer.  Not a great game about soccer, but it works.  The graphics are nothing special.  The gameplay is repetitive and involves a lot of back and forth across the screen, but seeing how this is a game about soccer it is right on the money. The controls are for the most part solid and tight, and yet every so often your players just fuck it up.  For example, you get close to the goal and want to shoot, but instead you kick the ball at a 90 degree angle to the goal and out of bounds, which results in the other team getting possession of the ball that the sportscaster announces as a "thraw enn" (aka throw-in).  Also, there are times when you pass a ball to a team mate, and instead of taking possession of the ball he just kicks it out of bounds or worse, straight to an opposing player.  The AI in this game is brutally difficult, and had I played this game as a child I would have passionately insisted that "the game is cheating!!".  Not only does the AI have the ability to set up volley shots almost perfectly, such that if they get the ball anywhere near your goal the WILL score, but the opposing AI defense also strategically assembles itself off screen so that any time you try and kick the ball downfield there is ALWAYS some buttplug with long, blond hair waiting to the head the ball back toward your goal.

To win the League Championship, you have to beat each team twice.  Meaning in a single sitting, you have to win the majority out of 25 ten minute games, and then win the final and 26th game.  If you do that math there, that's a minimum of 260 minutes or almost 4.5 hours of playing brutally difficult soccer.  Considering the only thing that changes in each match is what side of the field your goal is on and what color your opponents uniforms are, this is going to be a long 260 minutes. There are some other modes, such as "All-Star" which gives you the option of playing in a "real" tournament with up 16 human players (obviously alternating).  There are also the "You're a Hero" mini-games which is supposed to teach you how to perform some of the trick shots the infallible AI uses against you, but in reality it is just a frowny face generator considering the trick shots never work.

One last thing I think I should mention is that it has a very repetitive sound track that consists of marching drums, a whistle, and synth audience chanting that will drive you insane by about the 9th game.  If I could sum this game up in a single syllable I would have to say:  meh.